When a 24-year-old copy editor with a leading publishing house missed a deadline at work, she expected a dressing down. When that did not happen, she thought she had been forgiven. Instead, she realised she had been forgotten.
She was no longer copied on emails, her workstation was shifted to another part of the office and, while her ideas were well-received at discussions, none seemed to translate into action. Four months later, when she was asked to consider a transfer to the Ahmedabad branch, the Borivli resident finally decided to call it quits.
Watch for the signs: Has the boss started treating you to sarcasm a little more often than necessary? Has part of your job responsibility been assigned to another colleague without intimation? Do you often find yourself sitting out on important meetings, mostly because you have not been informed? If you've ticked `yes' to any of these questions, here's the newsflash: your boss is hinting that you quit.
Not being direct about their dislike for you, says Rajan Kaicker, a master trainer and Executive Chairman of FranklinCovey India and South Asia, is often the subterfuge adopted by a passive aggressive boss to get the message across. "A boss's attitude is the number one reason why organisations lose or retain employees," he says.
Even rumours floating in the office of your boss' negative remarks about you, could be a warning sign and should be taken seriously, says Kanishka Sinha, head of research and development at the Deonarbased Stillwater Consulting Services. "The passive aggressive senior will never directly tell you s he doesn't like you. But when you don't receive praise, promotions or bonuses, you know there is a missing link somewhere. The key indication is when you feel uncertain and insecure around them," he adds.
Two to tango: Most of us would argue that a boss, by virtue of being in a position of power, would be able to ask a nonperformer to quit. The reason this doesn't happen, says Kashmira Mody, leadership coach at Pune's Essence Consultancy, "is because job responsibilities and performance criteria are either loosely drafted or are too complex to understand. With a lack of clear and specific job roles, under-performers are allowed to float around till they decide to quit out of boredom or resentment."
Most experts agree that passive aggressive bosses flourish because of wilful co-operation from their juniors. Like in a game of seesaw, this boss type can survive only with an employee who is doing a similar dance. California-based Dr Gini Graham Scott, author of A Survival Guide for Working with Bad Bosses, explains, "A boss who is disorganised might be muddling through and not really be out to force the employee to quit. She either likes playing power games or is doing the best she can under difficult conditions. The employee may not leave out of fear of not landing another job. It's like the dynamic in the play Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, where the parties are locked in a dysfunctional setup because they each want the relationship to continue."
Deal with it: Even if you wish to, quitting a job may not always be a viable option. The best way to manoeuvre through the minefield of passive aggressive behaviour in an office is to be assertive. After an incident that's left you wondering about your status at the office, approach your boss directly with a 10-minute conversation stating that you would genuinely like to know how to be a better professional. "Do not express your frustration and resentment over the situation. In most cases, these bosses are so because they lack self-validation and communication skills," says Sinha.
Mody suggests, "Approach your boss calmly and ask, 'Can we put in writing what you expect from me and what my performance criteria is?' Once roles are clear, your boss will have little chance for finding ways to be passive aggressive."
However, some situations may be beyond redemption. Seek out the HR manager. But first, says Kaicker, sniff around to make sure you are not the only one complaining. "Most HR departments are conscious of making sure biases do not mar the image of the organisation," he adds. Only when all communication channels fail, consider calling it quits.
Strategies bosses use to nudge you to quit » Constant expression of displeasure » while the two of you are talking » Sarcasm and unhelpful with feedback » Letting everyone else know that she is unhappy with your work » Delayed or no response to your messages, emails or calls » Assigning part of job responsibility to another person in the team without letting you know » Defensive, uninterested body language such as lack of eye contact, arms across the chest while talking to you or looking at a computer screen while you are talking to them » Exclusion from meetings and email communications
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