Remember that time when your best friend and you had a crush on the same guy in class in your teenage years. It's worse if the boy seems charming to both the girls. Here are some ways to help you get out of such a sticky situation and save your friendship...
Observe the hints: Gauge your friend's body language when she is around the two of you. It will help you learn how serious the problem is. Even if you both like the same guy, was her comment about having a crush on him a passing one or was she serious? Go for a movie or dinner together and invite the guy too.
Subtly observe: does your friend keep trying to catch his eye or touch his arm too often? If yes, you can be certain that she has fallen for him too. Decide how you want to take things forward.
Do a background check: If you share common friends with the guy, it wouldn't hurt to find out about his past relationships. Has he had a string of breakups? This will not only give you an idea about the kind of guy he is, it will also help you find out if he is the right guy for you and your friend too, if they end up together.
Take a compatibility test: Make a mental list of reasons why you like this boy and compare them with the things you dislike. Moreover, are you into the same kind of hobbies or activities that he loves or does he share more common interests with your friend? If you feel you are not compatible with him, it might be better to back off. Save your friendship.
Talk to your friend: Muster courage and talk to your friend about the problem. Says clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, Varkha Chulani, "It is important to be honest with each other. Best friends often compromise their feelings by backing off because they don't want to hurt each other. However, it is important that you are true to yourself and the guy you like by expressing your feelings."
Don't let it affect your friendship: Remember that your friend has been there for you much before this guy came into your lives. Also, there is a greater chance of her being around a lot longer than he possibly will. Think about the times you've spent together and ask yourself if it is really worth throwing your friendship away over a guy.
Let the guy decide: This one is the actually simplest solution. "It is best to leave it to the boy to decide who he likes," says Chulani. A win-win situation for your relationship as well as friendship, you will know whether the guy really likes you and you will also not be mad at your best friend since the boy made the choice.
Walk away: Unfortunately, if for some reason the guy chooses your best friend, make peace with the decision. Remember that you tried your best. Have the emotional grace to back off and let the two of them build up their relationship.
Avoid jealousy: Even if you are best friends with each other, you are bound to be jealous, especially when the boy showers his attention almost exclusively on the other girl. "When I was in college, my best friend and I fell for the same guy in our class. Of course, he wasn't aware about it. Somehow things didn't work out and he chose her over me. I was so upset and jealous, I didn't speak to my friend for three months," says Simran Malhotra. Jealousy can bring out the evil side of you and you might say things that can do irreparable damage to relationships. "For some reason, if he doesn't choose you, don't personalise rejection and be manipulative towards your best friend," cautions Chulani.
BDST: 1609 HRS, SEP-30, 2014
