Treat your in-laws with respect, give your spouse breathing space and keep the spark alive to build a rock-solid relationship
Nowadays, the term 'long-lasting marriage' is an oxymoron. With divorce rates rising, separation has become the easiest solution to tackle any rocky relationship! No wonder, fewer couples are giving their marriage a deserving second chance.
Like any other relationship, even a marriage needs help, every now and then, especially when things get difficult. True, it may be challenging and require more effort on your part but the rewards are worth the extra work. So instead of ignoring and brushing your marital woes under the carpet, make your marriage a happy and long-lasting affair.
The Big C — Communication
If communication is missing in your marriage, before you even realise it, it will slowly destroy your relationship. Everyone talks about honesty in a marriage but that's only possible if communication lines are open. So even if you're busy with your work, children, gym, household chores or social activities, just set aside 15 minutes in the day, especially for your spouse. Use this precious time to sit and talk about things — not just about work and family but even anything random.
Dignity and respect
"Love is overrated — it's respecting your spouse and giving him dignity that will strengthen your bond and help your relationship in the long run," says Seema Hingorrany, clinical psychologist. You may be married to him and he may be an integral part of your life, but that doesn't mean you own him. It's important you don't dominate or boss him around, alone or in front of family and friends. Learn to respect his feelings and decisions, even if you don't agree.
It's okay to compromise
Maybe it's the way we've been conditioned, but a lot of people feel that compromise is a sign of weakness and so, are often unwilling to compromise. But considering the vast number of decisions every couple has to make during the course of their lives, you'll often come across situations, where you will have to find middle ground. That doesn't mean you always have to give up on what you believe or think is right. Make it more about reaching a consensus or solution that both of you will be happy with.
Transparency about finances
Every individual is entitled to financial stability, so it's completely fine if you have a separate bank account, where you save up money. But it's equally important that your spouse is aware of your finances too. Whether it's investing in a new policy or loaning money to a friend or family member, it's best to keep your husband in the loop. You don't want this indiscretion to upset him, make him lose his trust on you or unnecessarily create a rift in the relationship.
Bonding with your in-laws
Well, this one is easier said than done, particularly if you aren't too fond of your spouse's extended family or vice versa! Still, what matters is that you at least make an attempt to be cordial to them, or engage in polite conversation, whenever you meet. You could also initiate get-togethers or dinners once in a while. After all, if there's a strain in your relationship with your better half, your in-laws could be a great source of support for both of you.
Don't let the romance die
As cliched as it sounds, no matter how many years you've been married, keeping the fire embers burning bright is important in your relationship. Says Dr. Sanjoy Mukerji, marriage counsellor, "Give appreciation, attention and quality time to your partner, whenever genuinely possible. Make him feel special." If you have children, send them to their grandparents and go out.
BDST: 1715 HRS, December 29, 2014
